Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on Meridian Magazine. To read the full article, please use the link at the bottom of this page. This article is an expansion of a podcast originally published on the Higher Attitudes Podcast in January 2018. You can listen to that episode here>>>
I grew up believing in God and trying to be obedient to His commandments. As I struggled through the circumstances of life I eventually realized that I was missing something important—the constant feeling that God loves me. There is a critical difference between the intellectual idea that God loves me and the deeper emotional knowing that comes when I feel His love.
When I was young, I went to church. My parents were good people who lived according to the gospel. They taught my sisters and I to love the Lord by their example and by the way they spoke to God when we prayed as a family. I felt secure as a child in my parents’ faith.
I remember the day I prayed to know for myself that God was really there. I felt a gentle, loving confirmation that He knew my name during that prayer. I knew then that God loved me.
I served a mission. I married. I worked on my education. Started a career. We started a family. During these years I prayed a lot. But looking back I realize that I also missed a lot.
The moments when I felt God’s love were only occasional. They usually came when I was racked with some torment.
The moments when I felt God’s love were only occasional. They usually came when I was racked with some torment. During these times of pain and emptiness, I needed God and spent more time pouring out my deepest concerns and emotions to Him as I prayed. And He answered. I felt his love and I was comforted.
I thought this was the way it was supposed to be. I thought that if I tried my very best to live the gospel. If I prayed and attended to my religious duties that I was doing my part. I trusted that when I really needed God that He would be there for me. What I didn’t realize was that I was living far below my privileges.